Contemplating the role tennis plays in easing political tension got me thinking; what if we could settle all this partisan nonsense once and for all with a Presidential grudge match? It worked swimmingly in ’73 with the “Battle of the Sexes,” ultimately moving the needle for the Women’s Lib Movement. Naturally, our competitors would be former President Barack Obama and current President Donald J. Trump. Two men who not only regularly flaunt their athletic prowess, but also DESPISE each other.
If Obama wins: Trump immediately resigns from office AND deactivates his Twitter account.
If Trump wins: Congress repeals Amendment XXII, allowing Trump to serve an unlimited number of terms—perhaps leading to his ultimate fantasy—a Trump family monarchy AND we’ll build that big beautiful wall.
As is often said, a picture says a thousand words. Let’s use two photos I found on the Google Machine to speculate on the outcome of the “Battle of the Presidents.”
Obama Forehand Analysis:
It’s fairly well documented—considering he never shied away from an opportunity to shoot hoops on national TV—that Obama is a southpaw. Better known in tennis circles as a lefty. Do you really think it’s a coincidence that Obama is a lefty? For God’s sake, he’s as lefty as his political leanings. Saul Alinsky must be connected to this somehow…
Being a lefty in tennis can be a huge advantage, but with the grip Obama’s using on his forehand, he is squandering one of his many possible advantages. A continental grip on the forehand is considered a weak grip—unless you’re an ageless wizard like John McEnroe.
You can see in the above photo that 44’s racquet face is approximately 44 degrees open. With such an open racquet face, his swing will produce backspin rather than topspin. Backspin creates stronger air currents underneath the ball, making the ball float. Also note that he’s leaning back. He could generate more force if he transferred his weight forward, but he’s reluctant to do so because of the flawed grip. With this forehand technique, Barry will find it difficult to hit with pace while also consistently keeping the ball inside the lines.
Obama’s Playing Style:
On a positive note, Obama is pictured playing tennis in mom jeans and loafers and still looks to be as cool as a cucumber. That shows some pretty serious aerobic endurance and flexibility. Notice his face appears calm and relaxed; remember, staying relaxed can enhance performance. His head is still and his eyes are down at contact, which shows he has good balance and hand eye coordination. With a prototypical frame for tennis, above average fitness levels, and a continental forehand grip, I would suspect Obama’s playing style is that of a defensive counterpuncher, or “pusher.”
Trump Forehand Analysis:
Trump is certainly more appropriately dressed for the tennis court, however what’s the deal with the belt? I can only hypothesize that it might be related to his his steady diet of fast food and Russian tea cakes—although, I wouldn’t expect his personal physician to corroborate.
Trump’s choice of grip appears to be eastern. The eastern is a versatile grip, that allows easy access to topspin while also preserving the ability to drive the ball flat. Even though he’s using an efficient grip, you can still see from this photo that he has contacted the ball late.
Notice his left arm has collapsed below the right, which prevents hip rotation. His right shoulder is pinched up against the ear, which shows the trapezius muscle has fired. This pulls the arm closer to the body, thus limiting the distance he can extend away from his body. His racquet has also turned over and pulled across his body too abruptly. All told, this means Trump has a smaller than average hitting zone on his forehand. I said smaller than average hitting zone—get your minds’ out of the gutter, you Stormy Daniels bibliophiles!
Trump’s Playing Style:
Even though Trump has inefficiencies in his swing, High School Physics taught us that Force = MASS x Acceleration. Therefore, he of all people should still be able to pack a wallop with that forehand. I would expect Trump to use his size and intimidating presence to bully his opponents around the court. His lack of physical fitness, would lead me to believe he would prefer to shorten points rather than extend them. A style of play that best suits Trump’s body type, technique, and personality would be that of the “aggressive baseliner.”
Head-to-Head Analysis:
With Obama’s superior fitness levels and tendency to play defensive, I’d recommend Trump give him a heavy dose of high topspin and look to capture the net. Obama might come up with a solid defensive lob or two, but there’s no way he’s passing Trump consistently with that grip.
Trump’s late contact point and short hitting zone will cause him to mistime Obama’s slower bouncing balls. I would recommend Obama keep the ball deep. Trump should supply a significant amount of unforced errors off the forehand side due to his flawed technique, lack of endurance, and impatient demeanor.
The X-Factor:
Being a Gentleman’s contest, where each competitor would call their own lines, Obama must be alert in the case of Trump hooking a few line calls or fiddling with the score cards at changeovers. Trump’s “win at all costs” mentality might ultimately help him in this “Battle of the Presidents.”
Here’s how they match up:
Fitness: ☑️ Obama
Power: ☑️ Trump
Consistency: ☑️ Obama
Intangibles: ☑️ Trump
And the Winner is…
Out of left field to put a beatdown on these two elder statesmen, it’s the young girl in the background with the shawl tied around her waist—that thing might as well be a cape. She’s so savage, she didn’t even bother to tie her hair back!
Look at that forehand technique: she’s transferred her weight forward and she’s lifted up with her legs. She’s demonstrating a vertical inside-out swing with her body at a 45 degree angle. Her left arm is raised off her body and she has a long tracking motion out her target. She’ll be ripping deep topspin so consistently that both Obama and Trump will need to visit Gitmo just for a reprieve!
With forehand technique that sublime, not only will she win the match to secure our political destiny, she’ll also bring about world peace, end world hunger, and stop the spread of all infectious diseases.
Remaining nameless and faceless, the young girl in the shawl, is the hero our country needs but doesn’t deserve.